Battle #001: Amazing Puzzles April 06, 2009 Location: Labyrinth of Peril Player: Puzzle Guy Written by [New Author] The Labyrinth of Peril is rumoured to be a nest full of puzzle type pokemon, making it perfect place for me to continue my quest to become a puzzle master! PUZZLE GUY wants to EVOLVE! ...No, I want to increase my rank. PUZZLE GUY wants to SMELL RANK! NARRATOR is in a GENEROUS MOOD! LABYRINTH OF PERIL sent out PERIL! ...That's generous? PERIL was renamed PILE OF HORSE MANURE! PILE of HORSE MANURE used FALL! PILE of HORSE MANURE fell on PUZZLE GUY! Its super smelly! PUZZLE GUY's RANKNESS increased! PUZZLE GUY now SMELLS RANK! ...That is totally not what I meant. NARRATOR isn't sure what PUZZLE GUY wants! I want to become Puzzle Master, but my immediate goal is to capture puzzles to become Puzzle Man. ...PUZZLE GUY wants to EVOLVE! I'm not a pokemon. I'm a human. Humans don't evolve, as we grow in rank in our professions, our titles change. NARRATOR fails to see the DIFFERENCE between HUMANS and POKEMON! There are countless differences! NARRATOR considers them to be FUNDAMENTALLY IDENTICAL! ...Why? HUMANS and POKEMON both EAT HUMANS and POK-- ...Humans don't eat humans. NARRATOR just GOT BACK from NARRATING a BATTLE staring HANNIBAL LECTURE! ...Don't you mean Lector? HANNIBAL LECTURE is a CANNIBALISTIC UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR! ...Both objections withdrawn. Moving on! HUMANS and POKEMON both require BODILY FUNCTIONS such as SLEEP and not being SQUISHED underneath RAPIDLY DESCENDING SPIKED CEILINGS! ...Uhh... NARRATOR had an fight with GRAVITY a COUPLE of MONTHS ago! Who knew MORTALS were so FRAGILE? On the plus side, NARRATOR won! ... Gravity is such a WEAKLING! Gravity gets BULLIED by the other FIVE fundamental forces of NATURE! ...Aren't there four fundamental forces of nature, including gravity? PUZZLE GUY is probably forgetting NARRATOR and WEBMASTER! Aren't there more than one Narrator and Webmaster out there? Just like SOURCES of GRAVITY and SOURCES of ELECTROMAGNETISM! Sadly, the RELATIVE STRENGTH between the FORCE of NARRATOR and FORCE of WEBMASTER is pretty similar too! HUMANS and POKEMON both force other HUMANS and POKEMON to do their BIDDING against their WILL! ...I'm not sure pokemon force other pokemon-- NARRATOR refers PUZZLE GUY to the POKEMON LABYRINTH OF PERIL sending out the POKEMON HORSE MANURE! NARRATOR would THINK PUZZLE GUY would REMEMBER that, what with PUZZLE GUY still SMELLING RANK due to it! HUMANS and POKEMON both grow STRONGER and CHANGE THEIR NAMES and APPEARANCES while DOING SO via a PROCESS of EVOLUTION! In PUZZLE GUY's case, PUZZLE GUY wants to EVOLVE into PUZZLE MAN and then PUZZLE MASTER! Ergo, HUMANS and POKEMON are FUNDAMENTALLY IDENTICAL! HUMANS just DIFFERENTIATE because they dislike ACKNOWLEDGING the TRUTH! ...Fine, fine, I want to 'evolve'. Anyway, first of all, find some puzzles to capture. BRANCH in the LABYRINTH appeared! Does PUZZLE GUY want to go LEFT or RIGHT? ...Uhh... Why is there a branch in a labyrinth? ...LABYRINTH OF PERIL is a LABYRINTH! Why wouldn't there be? Precisely! A labyrinth, distinct from a maze in that labyrinths have a single path. ...NARRATOR doesn't believe PUZZLE GUY is CORRECT! Well I am, I should know this sort of thing; I am, after all, a Puzzle Guy! PUZZLE GUY used ARROGANCE! It's super effective! NARRATOR's MOOD sharply fell! PIDGY fainted! ...What pidgy? The PIDGY using FLY in a BATTLE taking place in an ARENA directly underneath NARRATOR's MOOD! Some YOUNGSTER is probably not going to get its FORREST BADGE because of you! Anyway, as I was saying. It's a modern misuse of the term labyrinth that has it equivalent to a maze. ...NARRATOR cares not for PUZZLE GUY's ignorance! Hey, it's not ignorance. Check wikipedia if you don't believe me, you'll see. NARRATOR points out that WIKIPEDIA says that LABYRINTH and MAZE are acceptable to use as SYNONYMS in GENERAL USE! Pft, you probably edited it yourself. NARRATOR is FUMING! NARRATOR sent out DICTIONARY! PUZZLE GUY was hit over the head with the FULL OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY! ...Which volume? All of them! Gaaaaah! DICTIONARY fell open to entry on LABYRINTH! NARRATOR EMPHASISES definitions 1, 2, 5 and arguably 7! Bah, what does something about common use of words know? NARRATOR used LOSE! Conceding the ar-- NARRATOR finally LOST its WICK! ...Oh. NARRATOR was in a GOOD MOOD! NARRATOR was PLANNING on throwing a few PUZZLES your way and LETTING you CATCH enough to EVOLVE into a PUZZLE MAN! NARRATOR wanted you to ENTERTAIN the readers without FAILING at your GOAL! NARRATOR wanted a LIGHT HEARTED FEEL GOOD battle! But no! PUZZLE GUY had to go and PISS NARRATOR off! Well, guess what? NARRATOR now intends to SCREW YOUR PLANS to HIGH HELL! ...Sorry, sorry. I'll take the right path? PUZZLE GUY used APOLOGISE! It doesn't effect enemy NARRATOR! ...Enemy Narrator? NARRATOR is ANGRY ENOUGH at you to be your ENEMY! Meep. PUZZLE GUY used REALISE! PUZZLE GUY REALISED just how deep the HORSE MANURE it's COVERED in is! Enemy LABYRINTH of PERIL appeared! ...I thought I was-- Does PUZZLE GUY REALLY want to make NARRATOR more ANGRY at it than it already is? --...Uhh... Going to be killed by Narrator. I thought I was going to be killed by Narrator, not a random pokemon that I'm wandering around inside. That's it. NARRATOR has no intention of KILLING you! That's a relief... It shouldn't be! :( Enemy LABYRINTH of PERIL sent out HAMPTON COURT MAZE! Further providing EVIDENCE for NARRATOR's THESIS that POKEMON and HUMANS are INDISTINGUISHABLE! Didn't we already cover pokemon sending out pokemon? We did! HAMPTON COURT MAZE is not REPEATED EVIDENCE! No matter... Zebra puzzle, go! The enemy is human type, get'em ZEBRA PUZZLE! Wait... That's a human called Hampton Court Maze? Enemy HAMPTON COURT MAZE says it USED to be called GRAHAM! Enemy HAMPTON COURT MAZE says it is from HAMPTON! Enemy HAMPTON COURT MAZE used POACH! Enemy HAMPTON COURT MAZE poached an egg! Zebra puzzle, use eat! ZEBRA PUZZLE used EAT! ZEBRA PUZZLE ate EGG! EGG was poisoned! ZEBRA PUZZLE died! Use next pokemon? ...No, I'm running away! Couldn't escape! ...Oh god... Uhh... Rubik's Cube, go! PUZZLE GUY sent out RUBIK'S CUBE! Enemy HAMPTON COURT MAZE used SOLVE! RUBIK'S CUBE solved how to ESCAPE PUZZLE GUY! RUBIK'S CUBE ran away! Oh no, down to my last pokemon... CHILDREN'S MAZE, I choose you! NARRATOR used SMILE! ...Huh? If that is PUZZLE GUY's ONLY REMAINING POKEMON then... Huh? PUZZLE GUY is devolving! PUZZLE GUY devolved into PUZZLE BOY! Wha...? But...! Enemy HAMPTON COURT MAZE used STOMP! CHILDREN'S MAZE fainted! PUZZLE BOY, go! ...This is going to hurt, isn't it? Enemy LABYRINTH of PERIL withdrew HAMPTON COURT MAZE! Enemy LABYRINTH of PERIL sent out LABYRINTH of PERIL! Well, at least that gives me a free attack... Uhh... Me, use Maze Solve! PUZZLE BOY used MAZE SOLVE! PUZZLE BOY attempted to solve LABYRINTH of PERIL! NARRATOR has a DILEMMA! ..Oh? NARRATOR could either RUB IN your devolution, or use your own WORDS against you! ...:( NARRATOR decides the LATTER could give PUZZLE BOY a MORAL VICTORY! NARRATOR goes with the FORMER! PUZZLE BOY attempted to solve an ADULT MAZE! PUZZLE BOY is a BOY! PUZZLE BOY should stick to CHILDREN's MAZES! Come-on... ENEMY LABYRINTH of PERIL used EAT! Aww man... It's supper effective! Don't you mean super? Nope! Enemy LABYRINTH of PERIL SUPPED on PUZZLE BOY! PUZZLE BOY was fully eaten! PUZZLE BOY fainted!

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